Itunes Top 50, 3/19/2007, 45-36

36. 2 Step-Unk

PAS: Walk it Out is a great song, but DJ Unk is clearly meant to go down in history as a one hit wonder. It is a great hit, but this is a failed attempt to make a career of it. Apache was a better tune, Principles Office was a better tune, Shamrocks & Shenanigans was a better tune, it was better then I Love You, but shit Vanilla Ice just signed with Swisha House.

TKG: This does stink. Completely blows. I think DJ Unk had enough stuff in Walk It Out that he should have been able to milk it for a couple more hits, using the verses for hooks, etc. He really should have been able to strip “Walk it Out” for parts. Tear each verse out and build a couple songs out of rummaging and recycling parts. Instead he tried to write a whole new song and introduce a whole new dance out of a similar beat. Two Step might have been a fine anchor for an album two years down the line. But you really need to completely strip mine one song before you build a new one.

37. Not Ready to Make Nice-Dixie Chicks

TKG: Whatever else you want to say about the Dixie Chicks, when they first came out there songs were drenched in banjo, fiddle and mandolin. This was kind of verboten in Modern country which was all about over produced post Eagles tunes that didn't want to be associated with the ghetto of "hick" sounds. Dixie Chicks put the "hick" sounds front and center (and not in a gimmicky way) and sold big. The Chicks no longer can get Country radio airplay so they go to Rick Rubin who takes them and really turns them into a shitty smoothed out overproduced 90s modern country radio band. Not a fiddle in sight. It feels like if Rick Rubin took over from Daniel Lanois on a Peter Gabriel/Robbie Robertson duet album and just made it slightly louder.

PAS: I don't by mad as hell either. When you listen to Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" you believe Underwood is mad at being cheated on. Hell you listen to Goodbye Earl you believe that these bitches poisoned some guy. This is a response to an actual event, and I don't believe what you assume is actual anger.

TKG: I once saw an armless girl karaoke "Goodbye Earl". Her absolute hatred of the men who had taken advantage of her as she swung her stumps around was one of my more transcendent karaoke experiences. I totally bought her taking "Goodbye Earl" as a personal anthem. I don't see "Not Ready to Make Nice" ever working in the same way.

38. Pop, Lock & Drop It-Huey

TKG: Based on the video I'm assuming this is St Louis group. Really not familiar with St Louis dance rap. Feels like it would be easy to mix this with Chain Hang Low but I really need to hear a full St Louis dance mix Cd before I "get it" in the way you can “get”/appreciate a local sound. As it is, this doesn't feel like it’s as good a tune as "Chain Hang Low".

PAS: I don't get a sense that Huey is a St. Lunatic, so he may be a more authentic representative of underground St. Louis dance music. Like this is what it sounded like before Skinny Black sold out. "COME HOME SKINNY"

39. Make It Rain (Featuring Lil Wayne)- Fat Joe featuring Lil Wayne

PAS: This is a really great tune, Scott Storch is really the best Jewish rap producer out there. I still just assume there is a black guy actually doing the beats and Storch is just sticking his name on them to steal the royalties, whoever that guy is, he is really good. The remix is getting much more radio play, so I am kind of surprised this is the version on the list. This may be one of the few times I prefer the original to the remix, hearing R. Kelly talk about "I make it rain on them hoes" really changes the entire context of the tune.

TKG: Phil is also convinced that Rick Rubin has black guys locked in his basement finding beats for the Dixie Chicks. Phil is from west coast and I'm guessing helped kidnap some of the enslaved beat makers for Jerry Heller. Scott Storch was also supposedly involved in production of "Cry me a River" which is a superior rain themed song. Lil Wayne is great on the hook but the remix is infinitely superior as Wayne gets some actual verses. And R Kelly adds a ton of color. Exactly how jaundiced that color is, doesn't really bother me.

40. Look After You-The Fray

PAS: There were two Fray songs on the last list, and our joke was that they were virtually indistinguishable. This may be slightly slower then the other two, and has sort of a yodel hook, but I honestly don't think I could Pepsi Challenge the three songs apart. I wonder if their entire album is this sonically similar, maybe it is meant purely as Hot Topic Muzak.

TKG: I kind of like the idea of the Fray as the piano ballad version of the Ramones. "One Two, Una dos Tres Quatro Over My head" I don't remember the other two having the cello parts or a hook quite like this but same type of opening pace leading to exactly the same type of crescendo.

41. Like a Boy-Ciara

PAS: This is a perfectly fine Ciara tune, needs Young Joc and a hook. With Young Joc and a hook I might remember it 30 seconds after hearing it.

TKG: The opening orchestral strings and electro beats really feels less like Dre Aftermath and more like the end of Revenge of the Nerds. I actually like the chorus. Its problem isn't that it doesn't have a hook. The problem is its hook is the length of a fucking stanza. It's like a fourteen line chorus. The rapper whose vocals are treated with some sort of echo effect to create a fake screw sound without actually being screwed vocal is better than Lamar.

42. Put Your Records On-Corinne Bailey Rae

PAS: My mom really likes this, she is a real nice lady, and outside of liking this song is pretty cool. This does sound like a song that is marketed to old Jewish ladies.

TKG: Is this Des'Ree? Did Des'Ree ghost write this? You gota be strong, you gota be wise, you gota be tough...go ahead let your hair down. I assume this played over a closing montage on Ugly Betty or Grey's Anatomy. For ending montage Ugly Betty tune this smokes "Suddenly I See".

43. Lost Without U-Robin Thicke

TKG: This is fine little fake samba neo-soul type tune. Thicke has a fine falsetto and it works off the little pretty guitar parts. The thing about this kind of tropical samba beat is you sit and snap your fingers but don't really get a hook stuck in your head. All that sticks is the scrape stick.

PAS: So I am listening to this and it hits me how much this sounds like D'Angelo's How Does it Feel, which made me dig up the Voodoo album to see how much it rips it off. It really does rip the beat and speed it up and put some maracas behind it, this is fine, but fuck did D'Angelo rule. Apparently he had a breakdown because he and the guy from the Roots set up this elaborate stage show influenced by Prince and Teddy Pendergrass, and he would show up and women would just scream at him to take his shirt off, apparently he got an eating disorder and ended up canceling the show and disappearing. Rick Rubin needs to dig him up and do a big comback album. This was a catchy tune too.

44. Runaway Love-Ludacris

PAS: This is the kind of social consciousness rap song that usually gets stuck as a track 14 or 15 album cut. Seems weird that Ludacris would stick Mary J. on this really poorly done Brenda's Got a Baby and release as a single. Tupac decided that poet shit wouldn't sell, and became Bishop. Ludacris doing fake Tupac really seems like a step backward. Car Wars is always going to lose to Fly Away.

TKG: So I go out drinking regularly and am always semi amused by the behavior of white bachelorette parties. I'm not one of those guys who tries to huddle around their circle dances picking off the strays. No, not that interested. But I watch from a distance. Last Saturday I'm in this club and Runaway Love comes on and suddenly this group of young women scream and get up like the DJ played " Like a Virgin" or any of the other young white woman anthems that inspire bacholerrette parties to take the dance floor, dyke out and grind on random men while taking photos of themselves "ooh look we're being so scandalous"...Normally their "scandalous" behavior is actually rather tame. Dykeing out and grinding on guys to "Runaway Love" as though it's some kind of club banger...actually is legit scandalous. It's a song about childhood sexual abuse. That these woman decided it was an anthem to the final night of sexual freedom, is far more depraved than any of their wave a dildo on their head pics.

45. Grace Kelly-Mika

TKG: Huh? This is ridiculously catchy fake Elton John. I don't know of Elton John actually would write a line as fey "I try to be like Grace Kelly". But essentially this is fake Elton John without any other 2007 reference point. I mean when R Kelly does fake Stevie Wonder he doesn't play a out of tune harmonica. This is ridiculously catchy but I thought record sales were at an all time low and this really feels like a band that only successfully plays in two exclusive clubs in the NY meatpacking district.

PAS: Yeah this feels really out of context. This is apparently by a British Lebanese guy, who according to Wikipedia "prefers not to discuss his sexuality with journalists." Is this an issue up to discussion? I know there has been a bunch of people doing fake Joy Division and Gang of Four, but it is pretty awesome that people are starting to rip off Queen and Elton John, it feels like an era of British Rock that is ripe for recycling.

Itunes Top 50, 3/19/2007 50-45

(Ok we're doing this again. Why? Why not. We took out clean versions of songs already on the list, and removed stuff we've already written about)

46. Year 3000 Jonas Brothers

TKG: I listened to this and instantly deduced that the Jonas Brothers were a fake band from a Nickelodeon show. Something like a cross between " California Dreams" and "The Monkees". Turns out they're some type of Christian rock band that records theme songs for Nickelodeon and Disney. This is a song about a time machine. They go into the future. They're a Christian band so they need to avoid the issue of going back in time and getting into all the issues around the actual age of the planet and what not. Perfectly fine bubblegum.

PAS: I don't think a song about the future fits the ideology either. Year 3000? Wouldn't Jesus have raptured up the believers by then?

47. Throw Some D's (Remix) Rich Boy featuring Nelly, Jim Jones, Andre 3000, The Game & Murphy Lee

PAS: During the last set of tracks we reviewed, I talked about most big Southern rap hits only being good when they get good rappers on the remix. Here the remix actually charts, and it does kick the ass of the original. This isn't really an All-Star line up, honestly Jim Jones, Murphy Lee and The Game are the kind of guys who need someone to save their track, not track saviours. Still this does have Andre 3000 who has inexplicably has become a mix tape superstar. You wouldn't expect a guy who has really made his name doing experimental fake Prince, showing up on songs like this and Walk it Out and just killing it. "Ha ha sleep/ Tylenol PM if I pull it/ she-she-sheep/ Count them for the rest of your life/ Your partner got away but he vegetable like/ So I sent his mom and dad a whole case of V8/ He could die any second how long it going to take." What the fuck, when did that blouse wearing motherfucker become Scarface.?

TKG: Andre 3000 is Killer as guy on remixes. The amusing thing is he's always put on first, which is ridiculous. Jerry Lee Lewis always headlined shows because no one goes on after the Killer. Killer kills them and no one looks good going on after him. They have semi solved this problem by constantly pairing Andre 3000 with Jim Jones, as Jim Jones really isn't even a warm up act. He's kind of the hype man for the warm up act. Jim Jones acts as sorbet, cleans the palate and then the next actual rapper comes in with a clean slate.

48. Survivalism Nine Inch Nails

PAS: When I saw that Nine Inch Nails had a song on this list, I checked to make sure it was a new song and not just something played in a commercial for Hills Have Eyes 2, thus making on the list via the "the Michael Andrews' Mad World music as auxiliary product effect." That isn't it though, this is the single from the new Nine Inch Nails album. Apparently this album is being virally marketed via an internet alternate reality game based on the internet, apparently the album describes an "Orwellian picture of the United States circa the year 2022," Man the only thing more dated then this shitty music, is the idea of a virally marketed album based on a dystopian future world. How stuck in the 90's is Trent Reznor?

TKG: Wait so this isn't aimed at nostalgic old NIN fans but rather he's trying to pick up a new generation of todays disaffected youth? I mean damn does this sound dated? I went to see Einsturzende Neubauten when I was in high school. Those guys had been around for over a decade at that point but they still felt relevant and like they were growing and developing. This just feels dated, not even angry just dated. Sounds a lot like that shitty Butthole Surfers/Kid Rock collaboration...except I think Trent isn't doing this as a joke. Rob Zombie is making amusing country duet albums to support his horror pics, I'm sure Al Jourgensen is doing experimental swing band albums, and the Genitorturers are all involved in Renaissance chorales...It's time to grow up.

49. Hips Don't Lie (featuring Wyclef Jean) Shakira

TKG: Wow this tune has been around for ages. Old enough that I'm pretty sure I've been out with at least one girl who had it as a ring tone. It came out around the same time as The Pussycat Dolls tune with Will I Am. Or maybe around the same time as the Pussycat Dolls tune with Wyclef. Either way between Wyclef and Will I Am, it was this really weird period in pop music, where your girly pop tunes had guest verses by innocuous male West Indians. Geoffrey Holder from the 7-Up the Uncola commercials was a more menacing West Indian. What the hell is the idea behind filling pop tunes with non-threatening West Indians? Some Mid-American girl is gonna get the wrong impression and think she can ask any guy from Guyana to jump up and dance.

PAS: I clearly haven't listen to much Shakira before because I never noticed the weird vibrato that she does with her voice. It makes her sound kind of like an Alt-Country singer. I imagine if the New Pornographers got huge, five years from now Neko Case would be doing shitty Wyclef duets too.

50. Pain-Three Days Grace

PAS: Wow, this song totally blew me away. We had to check to see if this was a real band or a parody. It really had the feel of GOB from Arrested Development fronted a depressed metal band. Lyrics like "Anger and agony/are better then misery" can't be meant literally.

TKG: I was laughing so hard during large chunks of this that I'm sure I missed half of it. But yeah this really felt like a parody. Half the lyrics sounded just like a Steve Allen parody. If Steve Allen hated Brecht as much as he hated Rock N Roll... Then there were a couple verses that really sounded like someone stole some lines from a shitty fake Luke/Too Short "tossing game in order to recruit a new ho" pimp rap and grafted it onto a metal ballad. "I'll take you by the head and show you a world you can understand/ this life is filled with hurt when happiness doesn't work/ trust me and take my hand/ when the lights go out you'll understand". But I don't think this is a song about finding goth girls and turning them out.